I am once again in a place in life where I have no idea where I will be in a few months. It is incredibly frustrating.
In February, I began applying to other schools. My goal was to test the waters, see if anyone would bite. Since I took the first job offered to me straight out of college, I hadn’t had the chance to truly understand what the possibilities are. It became my goal to apply to as many schools as I could and get an idea of what they have to offer.
The truth is, I didn’t think there would be many responses, but it has reached the point that my interview schedule is overwhelming. And some of the possibilities are tempting. Very tempting.
I have no idea what I want anymore. I have a chance to be a coordinator at a school several states away. Or I could be a language teacher at a prestigious school just outside Mexico City. My current school is offering an excellent deal for the next school year. I could switch to a school that doesn’t have as good of a financial package but which offers better professional development opportunities and support.
It seems silly to complain when I have so many opportunities in front of me. But the more opportunities I have, the more complicated the decision becomes. With each new opportunity, I fully research the school and the area and the possibilities for our life there. I start to see my life, what it could be in this new place. Each one seems like something wonderful.
To complicate things even more, I have to examine each possibility not just based on what our life is now, but on what we hope it will be one day. And, obviously, I cannot know with certainty what that might be. We have been trying to conceive for nearly a year now and without luck. But it would seem foolish to not plan for the possibility.
Sal isn’t happy with the idea of moving because it is getting in the way of his plans. Which consists pretty much of a burning desire to own his own house and nothing else. If we move, we may be in a more expensive area and he is displeased with this. Not owning his own home is like some sort of stain on his personal image. I would like to own my own home one day, but it isn’t the most important thing in my life at this point.
Next week, I will be traveling to Mexico State for a teacher performance assessment at my top-choice school and to take an exam with another institution. It is my hope that by the time that is all over, my future will be a bit clearer.