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The two of us are one year older.  As with every birthday, the various worries that I usually manage to push back are in my face.

There are things we want to accomplish in our lives.  Some come without a deadline, others are restricted by time–ideal times or necessary times.  And our birthdays landing within two days of each other somehow manages to magnify our feelings.

Money always seems to be at the center.  If only we had more money, we could realize our goals sooner.  If only it weren’t for my student loan debt, we’d have that money saved.

And his dreams are different from mine.  He wants to finish the house on the farm.  He wants more land to grow more things.  He wants to raise a greater variety of animals and watch his money grow when he sells them off.

He also wants to have a child in the next five years.

I want a small but nice home in a city large enough to be interesting and small enough to not overpower me.  I want a relaxing outdoor space and comfortable indoor spaces.  I want a job that challenges me without leaving me broken and bosses who acknowledge my good work while still offering me constructive criticism. I want to be able to save for retirement and live well when I am old.

I also really want a bathtub.  The child thing sounds okay, too.

Counting my pesos, it seems doubtful either of us will ever realize our dreams in full.  Part of me is okay with that; part of me if pained by that.  All I can hope is that we continue being as happy as we are now, even if we do get a little worried now and then.

 

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